On the merits of library paste.

The doctor wasn't surprised that Zak is still breastfed- to the contrary, she was rather pleased. That was a change from the last doc, who was simply flabbergasted that I was breastfeeding Zak two months ago. The formula feeding norm in this country is so strong, I'm always worried that I'll come across a doc who is keen on formula. That's not to say that this doc and I saw eye to eye on all feeding issues- hence the reference to library paste in the title.
I'm sure that rice cereal for babies is good for something, but I'm also sure that such a function would be more like a non-toxic cement or glue, not a foodstuff.  I'd happily use rice cereal if Zak had diarrhea or we had to hang wallpaper. But as the first non-medicinal substance to cross Zak's lips that isn't my milk? I can think of much better first foods.
I will probably start Zak on grains soon- but whole grains, not ones stripped of all their soul and substance. I'm hoping to try oatmeal and banana for those brisk winter morns.

I finally got started on the Cozy Cardigan for Zak. The colorway is lovely, the knitting a bit boring, at least until I reach the sleeves. This will be my first shot at buttonholes, so wish me luck. And I got about $50 in knitting store gift certs for my birthday. Yay.

Grand opening!

I'm quite excited- it's been a very full week. Turning thirty, sleep issues with the Milk Monster, and opening my online shop have all left me feeling wrung out.
Perhaps Zak was reacting to the excitement of me churning out all sorts of salves and potions, but he's had a hard time sleeping at night lately. He 's not had this much trouble since those early days, but I'm sure we'll pull through. In the meantime, I've been logging some good time on the treadmill because of this. At least he's still able to get to sleep by being in the Moby wrap or Bjorn while I walk about. But I'm burying the lead: Zak has now been "introduced" to solids.
We skipped over that nasty rice cereal stuff and went for roasted sweet  potato. Zak wasn't terribly thrilled with it, and I'm hoping that avocado or apple goes better. I figure that if I were that young again, I'd want some flavor, some sweetness, and maybe even some texture- none of which can be found in your box of rice cereal. So it's fruits and veggies to start with.
In the meantime, Zak is still almost exclusively breastfed, if you count the 2 tablespoons of sweet potato he's had in the past week. This may shock the doctor we're scheduled to see- anyone know what to do when the doctor faints?
At long last, the store is open. I've got a great salve for everything from diaper rash to dry lips, a rich hand and body cream, a brown sugar scrub, and an oatmeal soap that's ugly but my favorite so far. Take a look at:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ummzak .
Someone's next set of teeth may be coming in, so I've got soothing to do. Be well.

Oh let him be- my teddy bear.

So, I've discovered the joys- or at least the conveniences- of bed sharing with Zak.

I hadn't planned on bed sharing at all while pregnant, but like so many things that I didn't plan, it happened anyway. From day one, Zak has slept best and longest the closer he was to me. In the hospital, the devices they had around my ankles made getting out of bed next to impossible, so Zak's first nights were spent nestled against me so that I could nurse him.  Since then, he'd been spending a portion of the night with me, and the rest in a Moses basket next to my bed. But circumstances are calling for a slight change.

Traveling with an infant is not easy, not by a long shot. Figuring out where the Milk Monster will sleep was one of the bigger challenges. I'd thought of a travel crib, but that would require enough floor space for me to roll out a sleeping bag next to the travel crib. Houses of the urban Eastern Seaboard being what they are, i.e. cramped and moldy, that wasn't an option. I'd no idea how Zak would take to a travel crib anyway, as he'll do anything in a crib but sleep.

The best solutions are often the simplest ones. Zak is used to spending a portion of the night in my bed- he gets two "midnight snacks" and some comfort sucking during the night. I'm used to securing Zak in my bed so that he won't roll off, and I've grown used to sleeping without pillows or blankets. *sigh* He'll be in a new place, meeting all sorts of new faces, one of which makes his mom rather nervous. Being by my side as much as possible will be convenient and comforting. Why, again, do I have a crib?

Happy in the Nappy.

Zak is cloth-diapered about half the time, which saves money and prevents the dreaded midnight diaper run. But lest you think I prick myself a dozen times a day with diaper pins while trying to wrestle on a cotton diaper, I'll have you know that cloth diapers have changed a good deal since I was sporting them. They now come in various sizes, styles, and features my older sis would have given an eye to have when she was trying to get one of those flat cotton diapers on me. That said, I've plenty of those kind, too.

First, about any products I discuss: I'm not currently paid to recommend any brand, and even if I were, I'd offer my unvarnished opinion about anything I'm asked to review.

Fitted diapers come in several styles: with velcro and/or snaps, those that require waterproof covers and "all-in-one" styles, those that are sized like disposable diapers and the one-sized adjustable sort. They come in cotton, hemp and bamboo, unbleached and a rainbow of colors and prints. They are more convenient than ever, and can often be washed with regular laundry, with no more than a quick rinse beforehand.

Before Zak was born, I bought a few of the Bum Genius and Fuzzibuns brand fitted diapers. I figured I'd try them both, and buy more of the brand that suited Zak best. I also purchased a disposable/cloth hybrid sort called Gdiapers, which I'll discuss in a bit. If you plan to purchase fitted one-size diapers, I'd suggest getting a few fitted ones in the smallest size, should you have a peanut like my Zak- he wasn't a preemie or even very small, but he wasn't one of the ginormous tots you'll often see in strollers. He needed the extra-small diapers, but not for very long. If you buy them in all white, you can bleach them to remove any stains and pass them on- just run them through an extra cycle to remove any bleach residue.

My hands-down favorite: Bum Genius 3.0 All-in-one. They fasten with velcro, come in sized and one-size adjustable types, and can be tossed in the wash with regular laundry for the most part. The size adjusts with rows of snaps, and has a pocket to double the absorbency for night time or long trips. I also purchased the Fuzzibuns one-size style, but Zak seems to wiggle out of those much too easily for my comfort. The size adjusts with snaps and elasticized bands that button into place, which was too fiddly for me. Both brands come in cute pastels, brights, and classic white. I must confess that I've not tried Happy Heinys, Swaddlebees, or any other brand of fitted cloth diapers, but Zak and I are so happy with Bum Genius that we need not look further.

Flat cloth diapers come in hemp, cotton, and bamboo, in prefold (thicker in the middle) and completely flat styles. All require a waterproof cover and fastener. The metal diaper pins are still available, but a toothed fastener called Snappi makes it possible to fasten a diaper without risking puncture wounds. The waterproof covers now come in nylon, with fleece outers for cold weather, and in a variety of colors and prints. Some parents are able to skip fastening the cloth diaper beneath and simply close the cover over the folded diaper. I wish I knew one of those parents personally- either they are rodeo champions, or they have unusually sedate offspring. Neither the Snappi nor skipping fastening the cloth diaper worked for Zak- his ability to wriggle out of diapers has only been foiled by Bum Genius, Gdiapers, and a type of disposable that I'll discuss later. But flat cloth diapers have worked well for generations of parents, and they are indispensable as burp cloths, changing pads, cleaning rags, etc. I'd get those as a baby gift for any parent, no matter what diapering option they choose.

The Gdiaper: a disposable-cloth hybrid. How cool is that? The paper (or cloth, a brand-new option) based insert goes into a waterproof snap in liner, which in turn goes into a cloth velcro-fastened cover. If you're going out and don't want to haul around a dirty diaper, you can just toss out the paper insert, which is biodegradable. I used them for doctor's visits, so I need not carry around a dirty diaper, but I wouldn't have to toss out a clean disposable because the adhesive didn't survive the diaper being opened for weighing and the doc's inspection of Zak's boy bits.

However, I decided not to use Gdiapers any more. Why? Little boys are experts at stunt peeing, and my little guy kept making sure that his bits were well-positioned to wet the cover instead of the insert- there were too many diaper changes where the insert was bone-dry but the cover soaked through. I'd probably have a better shot at this with a girl, so if you've got a little girl, please give the Gdiapers a try. The inserts can be composted, flushed, or tossed away.

Last come the disposables. I wish I didn't rely on them so much, but when you're waiting for more diapers in the mail or in the wash, you do what you've got to. Lately, it's become easier to find unscented and even unbleached disposable diapers, like the Seventh Generation brand, but for Zak, what's important is something that stays on when he doesn't stay put. I've settled on Huggies Pure and Natural- they are bleached, but unscented and stay on quite well. The tabs are also soft, which was a concern when I found out that Zak was being scratched on the tabs of disposable diapers.

Which sort is best? I have my favorites, but they are based on my priorities, lifestyle and Zak's activity level. What I recommend is to keep an open mind, and remember that a purchase, gift, or free sample is not a binding contract. Whatever you decide, you should be happy with your nappies.

ZOMG! A healthy baby!

So, yeah, Zak's perfectly healthy. What's the big deal?

Zak went in for his four month checkup today, and the doctor may still be scratching his head. I'm obliged to go to a clinic that rotates doctors, so every visit is with a new doctor. And this doc seems puzzled over Zak. Not because he's got some odd ailment- to the contrary, he's the textbook definition of a healthy baby boy. Not because he's a weirdlo, either. But because he's strong, curious, happy, and obviously well-cared for. Now, I know that docs are trained to treat disease and repair injuries, but if we're going to have well-baby care, docs should be better prepared for a well baby.

It started even before Zak was born: I was under the care of a midwife, knowing that they are better prepared for normality than an OB. Alas, at the birth center I went to, the OB barged in and took over. Before I could say "Lamaze" I was pinned to the bed by more machines than you could shake a speculum at, and forbidden even water. My dreams of a good birth for Zak evaporated. The OB was prepared for an abnormal birth, and by Gum, she was going to have one.

Flip past ominous tales of heart murmurs and mysterious marks by the ear. I'm of the mind that doctors are merely frustrated horror writers. Zak's doc du jour was simply gobsmacked that he is still exclusively breastfed- even though the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for six months, and to supplement with solids for an additional six months minimum. Now, I'd told this doc that I stay at home with Zak, so it's not as if I work outside the home 18 hours a day, making breastfeeding quite the feat. Why is it such a surprise that Zak is happy, healthy, and fed the best stuff on Earth? (Sorry, Snapple.)

My answer: culture is strong stuff- stronger than science. Medical culture is geared toward disease and injury, so doctors come to expect disease and injury. We live in a consumerist culture, so the fact that Zak's food cannot be purchased at the market leaves people flustered. We have a culture so geared towards formula feeding that a doll designed to mimic breastfeeding creates reactions of horror. Why, if "the best things in life are free", do we have a culture so unprepared for what is best and free? If doctors are there to keep us healthy, why are they so unprepared for a job well done? Why is a perfectly healthy little boy such a shock to the medical system?

Where have all the good shows gone?

If I owned a TV, I would have chucked it out this Friday. It's official: there's nothing on.
Not literally, of course. One can find any number of ways to waste your time and brain cells, but i was counting on two shows to help sustain Zak's childhood, and protect him a little from the commercial blitzkrieg that is children's television. Now one of them is gone.

I speak, of course, about Reading Rainbow. Every child of the late 70's to the 90's should have known and loved it. Since its premiere in 1983, countless children have developed a love of reading thanks to Levar Burton and his cheerful explorations of worlds found right in your local library. Now, thanks to financial concerns, my beloved show is gone, and with it my hopes of the show helping me introduce Zak to the many joys of reading.

But are those hopes really gone? Ever since Zak has had periods of wakeful alertness*, we've done story time on a regular basis. Even for the probably doomed visit I've planned with his father, the local library is on the list of spots to visit. Zak's holiday and birthday presents will likely always include books, and his baby registry is half-full of classics like "The Giving Tree", "Goodnight Moon" and "Where the Wild Things Are".

I am an avid reader, and have been since I taught myself to read at the age of three. But what would have happened had my interest in reading not been encouraged, what if that spark had been left to die out, instead of being fanned? Would I have the motley crew of books that make up my small but treasured library? Even more importantly, how would this have affected my life beyond reading for pleasure? I picked up "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" during my pregnancy. Would I have known enough to endure the difficult moments I've had, as few as they've been?

In a way, Zak is already reaping the benefits of Reading Rainbow without watching a single episode. I plan to purchase the DVDs anyway, along with School House Rock, another lost gem, and share those pieces of my childhood with him. And what's raising kids for, if you can't bore them with all the things you knew and loved when you were their age?

*In case you haven't been around a newborn lately, they do three things quite a lot: eat, sleep, and cry. There seemed little point to reading to Zak during any of those times, so I waited until he had a good stretch of time when he seemed ready for something besides milk or another diaper change.

Where's the script?

Someone needs to tell my son that he's not quite meeting the baby guidelines. He'll do anything in a crib but sleep, ditched the pacis without a second glance when my milk came in, and while he can't literally talk, the expressions on his face say everything from "Dang, that was some good milk, need a lie-down now" to "What the fluffy duck are you trying to put in my mouth, woman?!"

My son, as his auntie says, is a weirdlo. But he's our weirdlo, and we love him. I also don't quite fit the mold, either: I'm an African-American breastfeeding mom, I cloth diaper Zak, and I'm trying to get my degree in Islamic studies. So I guess Zak fits in just fine.

It's good that Zak is smarter than me. With all the parenting books and tons of (usually bad) advice out there, I'm glad I've someone to guide me. I figured out early on that I needed to raise the kid I have, not the kids other folk have had or kids I've read about. Expecting Zak to be just like a baby halfway across the world, or thirty years ago, or like anyone but himself is absurd when you think about it. One of the more eloquent looks Zak has given me when he's not acting like my grandmother thinks he should translates to:"My name isn't Most Babies, The Neighbor's Baby, or Your Mother. My name is Zak. Act accordingly."

So I guess there is a script- one written by my son.

Attached by the heart.

Attachment parenting has its benefits, its drawbacks, and like any idea, its kooks. Essentially, it stems from the ideas that a child's emotional needs are just as valid as his or her physical needs, and that having loving people nearby is a need for babies and young children. Such closeness enables them to develop a sense of security that forms a springboard for their growing independence. There are a few elements that help to establish that closeness, such as co-sleeping, babywearing, and breastfeeding. While attachment parenting isn't an all-or-nothing proposition, these things do facilitate closeness.

I never thought I'd be a hippie (are there black Muslim hippies?) but apparently, Zak and I are leaning in that direction. I say "Zak and I" because while I made all-natural body products for Zak before he was born, the babywearing was Zak's idea. I'd bought a Bjorn, but I hadn't planned on wearing it quite as much as Zak demanded- but isn't that the story of parenthood- making plans, then having them shattered by your darling offspring?

Zak, thank God, is a happy, healthy, active baby. I can't help but think that it's due in part to the loving attention he receives almost 24/7. He's never left to "cry it out", and I'm rarely more than a room away from him. He's growing like a weed, meeting and exceeding milestones, and is pretty amazing in general. So why, oh why, am I getting grief for my parenting choices?

If I were to basically ignore Zak but give him every baby toy ever made, I'd be deemed a pretty decent mother- not "spoiling" him, but giving him things to amuse himself. Even if I could afford all those doodads, I wouldn't dream of doing so. The best I can give my son is myself- my time, my affection, the milk my body makes for him. Yet a mother's love is deemed too good for a child- but what should you give a child other than the very best?

My son is asleep, right where he should be- next to my heart.

Frugality, thy name is Divorced Mother.

My ex cut my child support by about $100 last month, so I'm trying to clothe and diaper an almost 4 month old on a rather tight budget. I use cloth diapers part time, so it's only the disposables, that get used at night and for outings, that were affected by this, until yesterday.
Zak has now officially doubled his birth weight, outgrowing the fitted cloth diapers that I'd bought for him. I'd also bought one-sized diapers, so I'm not having to potty-train him today, but that's less diapers, and more laundry. While I am thrilled to see he's growing, it's only going to get more challenging as time goes by.

Note that at the top of this post, I don't mention having to feed Zak. No, the boy isn't starving- I am proud to be a nursing mother. Not only does that mean that Zak's food does not have to be purchased, but it also means that he's getting the best food on earth for him. I can't provide much in the way of fancy clothes or toys, but the fact that I can provide at least one thing that is the very best for him is a consolation. I also freely admit that nursing itself rocks.

The following is not a crack on formula-feeding parents.

Nursing, if you're a SAHM/WAHM, is low-maintenance, very cheap, and might I add, uses between 300-500 calories a day. Even WOHMs may find it easier to pump than deal with sterilizing bottles and midnight formula runs. (Not all do, though, and I sympathize entirely.) The benefits of breastmilk are too numerous to list here, and cannot be duplicated or even approximated by formula. I knew when I became pregnant, there were far too many reasons to breastfeed to consider formula feeding by choice. As this post is about frugality, I'll focus on the financial ones.

My ex-husband is not financially responsible. I don't mean that he'll come home with various doodads when we'd set aside money for Zak's college; I mean he'd run off to Europe for a month to "find himself" when he had a divorce in the works, a baby on the way, and was already about twenty grand in the hole. Also, for those of you considering divorce: do find out what your lawyer charges per hour before hiring one, and make sure you can afford that. His lawyer charges more per hour than he gives me per month- much more than my nearly bankrupt ex can handle.

While I'm no financial genius, I knew at the outset that throwing away money like old newspapers would not get us the American Dream. So, I sought to run the house in a way that would make things pleasant and save money. But the homecooked dinners were ignored (dinners he now swear he misses), the efforts to bring in a little extra were sabotaged. It got to the point where I had to buy groceries online at some expense, because he refused to take me grocery shopping. (I do not drive- yet.)

So, I'm doing what I can with what I've got, which means lots of laundry, hunting for sales, and prayer. It also means bringing in whatever I can in terms of money. I hope sell body products online soon.